The Starting Line

I feel like I have just found myself again.

My pace and cadence.

Living intentionally.

Summer has few requirements and allows space for me to live for me. Something I have to hold onto when school is in session for my 3 children.

The start of school is a race.

The starting line is in my sight.

I have pre race jitters.

Pre race events start happening.

The emails start.

Deep Breath!

Orientation cuts into vacation EVERY TIME. Like WEEKS into summer. Does no one want to be on vacation? Please, can't they do all this stuff on the first few days of school?

"Mom, can we go shopping for school supplies?"  "NO - well, okay, maybe, but we have like 10 glue sticks already and half the items on the list at home." "What's wrong with the backpack you had last year?"

Deep Breath!

It's all a warm up for race day! Which really is like a few weeks long. The start of a new school year.

Athletic physicals and uniforms, forms, syllabus to be signed and the emails. Lord have mercy. 3 kids means 21 teachers. TWENTY ONE!. No, I didn't look at your nice website and know that there is a test coming up or that you asked for donations.

Deep Breath!

Wake up early for prayer, meditation, centering.

Oh, don't forget the alarm clock. What time is the bus picking up....OUCH. What happened to the time freedom I worked hard for by working for myself? Buh Bye time freedom, you're a mom!

With school comes the AFTER school driving marathon. Shuffling kids into different place at the same time in different locations - I'm a gold medalist in this event.

Deep Breath!

Summer I miss you already!

You got to work hard constantly to be successful

We all create stories in our heads.
Untruths that block us.
Stories that bubble wrap our fear and protect us from it.
Some are 5 seconds long.
Other stories we have been writing and editing for years.

One of my long stories is that I need to struggle, exert great effort, be busy, etc. to be successful.

During meditation one morning, my minds eye envisioned a fish caught on a  line with a hook in it's mouth. It was thrashing, twisting, pulling, fighting. The harder it fought and resisted the line and hook, the more worn out it was and the the firmer the hook got set.

Somewhere along the way I adopted the story that to gain success, I had to struggle and work hard constantly. My efforts alone, even if completely in the wrong vein, would propel me and deem me worthy in society's eyes. Successful! WORK HARD, I heard.

Something I missed was the beautiful life around me. The living water flowing (to keep up the fish analogy.)  Filling my gills with life. Once I relax, the waters settle and I see clearly that all the things I wanted are here in my life. Be still and enjoy, eventually the hook will dissolve.